We are happy to announce that the renovation of the lobby is not behind schedule. By Monday, October 9, we should be ready to open the west end of the lobby to limited traffic.
(First of all, eliminate all the uses of “we” throughout the letter. Don’t just substitute the company name or I; instead focus on what the reader will get. Don’t talk about feelings, so “happy” has to go. The word “not” is negative; eliminate it! Now, ask yourself, what does the reader want to know and need to know? In the second sentence, this writer has “should” on himself, not a pleasant sight, I should say…. Okay, enough with the bad humor, the sentence contains the word “limited,” another negative word. Instead, the reader probably wants to know WHEN the lobby will open and WHO can use the lobby by that date.)
The final phase of the renovation will be placing a new marble floor in front of the elevators. This work will not be finished until the end of the month.
(Now you can add detail. Describe the marble floor with precise words. You can also use actions instead of the word “be” in both sentences. Remember the lessons from week 2 about using precise words and action verbs? Review these to give you hints on what to write for this paragraph. You’ll also find a link that provides you with a a list of action verbs. You might want to print out the list. Finally, that negative word “not” appears. Remember the reader. He or she wants to know the finish date of the lobby.)
We will attempt to schedule most of the work during the evening so that normal business will not be disrupted.
(Doesn’t “attempt” seem unclear? Also, you’ll learn next week that many words beginning with “dis” are negatives, and you don’t want to use negatives if you don’t have to; instead, focus on what the reader
can
do. Try writing a sentence that begins with “You can….”)
Please exercise caution when moving through the construction area. The floor will be uneven and steps will be at unusual heights. Watch your step to avoid accidental tripping or falling.
(To me, this seems like a lot of emphasis on negatives. Yes, negatives exist, but you can de-emphasize negatives. You can also just your reader know–simply, clearly, and briefly.
They have a magnificent team. These people are always kind and willing to listen to your concerns or issues. Better yet, your assignment is always ready before the time, they usually send you a draft to double-check before they finalize your paper.
Delivering a high-quality product at a reasonable price is not enough anymore.
That’s why we have developed 5 beneficial guarantees that will make your experience with our service enjoyable, easy, and safe.
You have to be 100% sure of the quality of your product to give a money-back guarantee. This describes us perfectly. Make sure that this guarantee is totally transparent.
Read moreEach paper is composed from scratch, according to your instructions. It is then checked by our plagiarism-detection software. There is no gap where plagiarism could squeeze in.
Read moreThanks to our free revisions, there is no way for you to be unsatisfied. We will work on your paper until you are completely happy with the result.
Read moreYour email is safe, as we store it according to international data protection rules. Your bank details are secure, as we use only reliable payment systems.
Read moreBy sending us your money, you buy the service we provide. Check out our terms and conditions if you prefer business talks to be laid out in official language.
Read more